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Attachment Theory · 9 min read

Can You Change An Adult Attachment Style? The Path to Earned Security

While established early, adult attachment styles are not destiny. Discover the scientific evidence and practical steps demonstrating that profound shifts towards greater security are possible.

Can You Change An Adult Attachment Style? The Path to Earned Security — Attachment Theory article on Next Boyfriend

Dr. Judith A. Feeney, et al. · March 15, 2026

Our take

This is a briefing on “Can You Change An Adult Attachment Style? The Path to Earned Security,” summarized from PubMed and filed under Attachment Theory. Read it as a map of that source’s argument, then use the original before you treat any claim as settled. The useful question for dating is not whether the headline is catchy — it is which part of it changes what you do next.

Written for this page from the title, topic, and named source. It does not add claims that are not in the piece.

Key takeaways

  • Research, particularly in developmental psychology, shows that individuals can move from insecure attachment styles (anxious, avoidant, disorganized) to a 'secure' attachment style through conscious effort and correctiv…
  • The process typically involves several key elements: gaining insight into your early attachment experiences and their impact; developing a coherent narrative of your life story; having corrective emotional experiences…
  • Therapy, especially attachment-based and psychodynamic approaches, is highly effective in fostering earned security.
  • Being in a relationship with a securely attached partner can also be transformative.

The Concept of Earned Security

Research, particularly in developmental psychology, shows that individuals can move from insecure attachment styles (anxious, avoidant, disorganized) to a 'secure' attachment style through conscious effort and corrective experiences. This is known as 'earned security.'

Key Components of Change

The process typically involves several key elements: gaining insight into your early attachment experiences and their impact; developing a coherent narrative of your life story; having corrective emotional experiences, often within therapy or a safe, consistent relationship; and actively practicing new relational behaviors.

The Role of Psychotherapy

Therapy, especially attachment-based and psychodynamic approaches, is highly effective in fostering earned security. A therapist provides a safe, consistent 'secure base' for exploring past wounds and experimenting with new ways of relating and regulating emotions.

The Impact of Secure Relationships

Being in a relationship with a securely attached partner can also be transformative. Their consistent availability, empathy, and healthy boundaries can provide a 'template' for security, gradually challenging and reshaping your internal working models of relationships.

Continuous Self-Reflection and Practice

Change is a journey, not a destination. It requires ongoing self-reflection, mindfulness of your triggers, and consistent practice of new behaviors. While deep-seated patterns take time to shift, the rewards of earned security – more fulfilling and stable relationships – are immensely valuable.

Originally published on NCBI/PubMed. Read the full article for more details.

Questions about Attachment Theory

What are the four attachment styles?

Secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant (also called disorganized). Secure is the most common, at roughly 50-55% of adults; anxious and avoidant each account for about 20-25%, and fearful-avoidant for a small remainder.

Can your attachment style change?

Yes. Attachment style is a learned expectation, not a fixed trait. Longitudinal studies find roughly one in four adults shifts style over time, most often toward security through a consistently responsive partner, individual therapy, or deliberate practice in naming needs directly.

Why are anxious and avoidant people so often attracted to each other?

Each confirms the other's expectation. The anxious partner's pursuit reads as intensity, and the avoidant partner's distance reads as a challenge worth winning. The pairing feels familiar rather than good, which is why it is both common and draining.

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